Silence.
It’s something that we all need. We all need to take a pause every once in a while amidst our bustling life. Silence has always been and will be a natural part of our lives. We take silences in remembrance, we take silences when we have no business being a part of another’s conversation, we take silences to finish up a conversation, we take silences during speeches. As much as silence can alleviate tension and benefit someone, it contains a potent prowess that can do just the opposite. Silence can take up another form: the form of betrayal.
In 8th grade, my English teacher gave us an extra credit opportunity; initially, I had thought of the assignment upon completion as something that would boost my grade in the class. The extra credit opportunity also happened to be my local NAACP’s annual poetry contest and the prompt was in regards to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s quote of “There comes a time where silence is betrayal.” From there on I wrote and ended up winning the first prize in the poetry contest: I wrote…
“Eagles; the symbol of freedom...
The Eagles soar in the high mists of the sky
Diving in the deep cascades of mountains
Swooping it’s ethereal wings across the river
Disappearing into the dawn, breathtaking to the eye
And the ring of freedom lingers as they shriek in invincibility across the sky...
One day, Two eagles stood nearby
Both with wings; granting them the ability to fly
Both with the ambition of claiming the sky
But one was met with a different demise...
The one was trapped and captured
Against their will, their claws were tied,
Ripped of its beloved wings, screaming; tortured
Powerless, distraught, and identity deprived
While, the other soared above the ground and kept a vigilant eye...
Despite the vigilance, the Eagle stayed silent lacking in courage
Watching their neighbor vulnerability suffer in fear
Being taken away and forced in detainment
But they remained silent seeming insincere
The Eagle held captive wanders their worry eyes
Searching for their friend’s salvation,
but all that came was a flood of anguish and despair
Silent. And forsaken stood the Eagle in the sky
While the restrained Eagle loses its one close ally
In that moment silence is betrayal...
In today’s society, we’re are met with the unfortunate reality
Of racial discrimination and social injustice."
As I entered into my 9th grade year, at the end of the pandemic I was encountered with an experience where my silence betrayed me. I was in my Algebra II class where I was one of the 2 of the only freshmen in the class. The beginning of the class was typical; nothing trivial had happened. The students in class were minding their own business until a junior student stood up and stated, “I wouldn’t be so behind in my assignments if the Chinese hadn’t started the virus.” My math teacher had simply agreed with that individual's sentiment. That interaction had then elicited another response from another student arguing that that statement was offensive as it perpetuated that all people from China's ethnic background inherently have contracted the virus.
Where do I fit in all of this?
I felt as though I didn’t.
I sat there in silence.
With my face getting hot.
With my breath destabilizing.
I was one of the two Chinese Americans in that class.
Silence. At that moment, I was betrayed by my silence. I should have spoken out. I should have told my parents. I should’ve told someone else. But all I did was idiotically sit there in silence.
Fast forward to my sophomore year, and another teacher that I had made microaggressions to multiple minorities in our history class, some of which included mine. It took over a year and a half for me to confront this teacher about the microaggressions made in the previous year. I had finally reconciled with my past actions, and decided to finally take a stand. When I finally broke the silence, I felt liberated.
Silence. I had finally broken it.
The silence that was capable of betrayal.
I had disparaged it.
That wasn’t the silence that I took comfort in. Normally I thrived in silence. Being alone in my own mind brought me peace. But those thoughts racing through my head for the past couple of years did just the opposite. Confronting racial discrimination had become an itch, and just recently I had obtained the confidence to address it to the perpetrators.
This experience is about self liberation. It’s about taking action for the greater good. It’s about taking those risks. It’s about how silence can be betrayal, and how you can alleviate or prevent that.
In those instances, I would rate my silence a one out of five stars.
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